Rosetta Stone

PART 1

In April 2014 Rosetta advertised a presentation designer job located in Los Angeles. I've been designing for presentations since 1997, hence I applied. It was 8:30am EST when I completed the application. I received the rejection email at 8:36am EST – 5:36am LA time…

Let’s see…I have 17 years’ experience doing exactly what this job requires, but I am not qualified. Needless to say, my website/portfolio received no visitors in those six minutes between my application submittal and my rejection. 

Here’s the funny thing. The job description said design agency experience was required (which I have). But the application asked “Have you worked with a marketing agency?” There’s a difference between “design” agency and “marketing” agency, so whoever put this application together is an idiot. Of course, I checked “no” to the marketing agency thing. I also put $0 for salary history as IT IS NOT THEIR BUSINESS WHAT I EARNED IN MY LAST JOB.

The big question, though, is whether or not I am to believe this useless individual, Mary Schneider, was actually reviewing my application at 5:36am.

I sent the clown a little response which I assumed would just be dismissed automatically by a bot. Shortly thereafter, I received a response from another HR clown: “Our marketing team forwarded me your submission to our website. I wanted to personally apologize for this. This happened because of a mistake made on how the application it was created – it was set up to automatically disqualify anyone who answered a certain application question. This was a total mistake on our part – human error that caused a crappy corporate experience. This is not what we wanted to do. In fact, we want to do the opposite. So – not sure if you’d want to talk to us about open roles (we do have a few that you might be a good fit for), but if you are – let me know and we can get something scheduled. Even if you’re not interested in working with us, hope you have good luck in your search.”

Okay, I’ll bite. I replied to her with an apology of my own, saying that I’m more than willing to “wipe the slate clean.” I also said I don’t currently see any openings posted that match my background but I’d be open to hearing about these other openings she mentioned. Here’s the wonderful response I received:

“I will definitely keep you in mind for future opportunities.”

So, we’ve gone from “we do have a few that you might be a good fit for” to the standard “don’t call us, we’ll call you” line. Whatever.

 PART 2

I applied for a senior graphic design position with their Lexia Learning division in October 2016. I received their rejection email on December 25. Merry Christmas to you, too, Rosetta Stone.